Tuesday, October 04, 2011

The New Workout Plan

32% - SPORTS. What do all athletes have in common? They workout! And if I want to play hoops better, I need my strength to bang down in the post [yeah right] and my legs when my squad needs a game winning bucket. And it's nouveau for golfers to hit the gym. I mean have you seen Camilo Villegas lately? Yes, it was slightly uncomfortable finding that pic. Strength leads to a faster swing speed leads to a farther golf ball leads to a shorter iron in hand leads to a closer ball to the pin leads to more scoring opportunities.

28% - HEALTH. I have no reason not to be in shape. You can't just eat well and expect to be all ripped and ish. My job makes me sit on my rear for like 10 hours a day, then there's probably another hour of idle time commuting to and fro work [no I didn't misspell "from," I just wanted to go archaic on that a$$!]. So that's almost half my day when I'm just posted like a journal entry. And years of that led to my back stiffness and unflexibility that I'm trying to unravel.

12% - VANITY. C'mon, that's partially the reason you go too! Clothes basically look better on people in shape, and it's a thing I'm striving for. Futbol players clean-up so well since them dudes are straight chiseled. And generally European, so they're almost born sartorially inclined haha. And not too tall, so I used them as an example. Plus all that loot I spent tailoring my clothes would be negated if I didn't fit them properly lol. So if you look good, then you feel good, then you're getting a confidence boost. See, even being vain somewhat has a purpose.

10% - ROUTINE. It's good to deviate away from the home-work-home schedule that most of us have. Plus once I get in these doors I ain't leaving again! I have no SO or no seeds and own a DVR, so I can't use that "I-don't-have-any-time" excuse. Similar to a dope emcee, I should strive to get in a good flow.

8% - CHICKS. Hey, at least I'm honest! I appreciate a girl in spandex and a sports bra and some sweat. Although the other day this girl was on the treadmill rocking a camisole, looking like she straight had lingerie on. But I wasn't complaining. It's not like I straight ogle at yall, I just sneak peaks here and there *wink*. So yes, I do it for the nookie, or to be in position to get some nookie lol.

6% - INK. In case your boy ever finds something worthy enough, I want my canvas to be tattoo ready. I don't wanna look mad anorexic like Wiz or mad, um well-fed like Ross [warning! image might not be suitable for young children]. Um yeah, don't worry mom I won't be fully covered either lol. Imagine that.

5% - FISCAL. So check this out - remember this post from 2003 when I first got my membership? Of course you do! But as a refresher, I paid like a stack up front for 3 years, with the crux being my annual renewal would be $20. So that's $1.67/month, and I didn't even use a calculator. So the more often I go, the lower my daily effective cost is! I love milking a deal, similar to me playing like a thousand WWF games on the ads version of the game mwhahaha. Oh me and my comeuppance.

Okay guys, see you at the gym!