Monday, July 12, 2004

Here's my take on relationships, from someone who's been in one for *gasp* almost 9 years. Not necessarily the rules or whatever, these are moreso observations from a 3rd eye. These methods aren't fool-proof but they are battle-tested. Keep in mind I'm focusing only on the beginnings - from predating through the honeymoon. Guys often don't like being called a "nice guy." Some automatically think that label ultimately guillotines any sort of romantical relationship. When I hear that, its just a cop-out, a sign of laziness and almost a tad of cockiness. Like if you weren't nice you'd have a chance. Please. I find it that chicks do like nice guys, but damn, don't be a captain or a square, or worse yet, Captain Square. Hopefully you're liking a dope chick, and if she's dope she's hot, and if she's hot she's used to dudes hollering, with their nice guy front.

So gents, when you're diggin' a chick, there are 5 simple rules to abide by:

1. be confident but not arrogant
2. be charming but not overly-flirty
3. be funny but not dorky/retarded (note to self: must work on this)
4. be sweet and caring but not overbearing
5. be nurturing but give room to breathe

Okay nothing's going to come to you outright. Just because you'd follow these rules doesn't lead you directly to her panties. Regardless of whats implied or what untertones were established, you must express what you want. You're ready to go rock-climbing, you have the gear, the grapple, the gloves, the canister but you still need to climb the damn rock.

Don't act nervous around the chick. When you talk to her, look her directly in her eyes. When she talks to you, listen intently and look directly in her eyes. (This works later when you start to BS her). Stop talking about yourself...who cares. Give compliments, but don't swing from her sack. If she likes to joke around and touch you, touch her back even more. That's a good sign. But make sure your hands aren't ashy. Use lotion. Emphasize hygiene. Go to the gym. Take time to pick out a nice outfit when you see her. Keep breath mints in your pocket.

Some guys often put themselves in the "just a friend" category. Contrary to belief, this isn't such a bad place. Most relationships evolve from friendships, and its good to have this base already established. Again, don't let this label stop you from getting what you want. Say you want a $20K car, but you have only $15K. Find a way to get that $5K! Its much better to have $15K than have 0. Didn't mean to objectify women as vehicles, but this was just an analogy. If you're in the "oh he's like a brother" phase, back up a little bit. Stop calling her everyday and start talking about other chicks (lying is optional). Retract to the "just a friend" category and she may start catching feelings.

Don't think you gotta be an arsehole to get at a girl. Truth is that works for some dudes, but not all. Girls like to be taken care of, and that's what a nice guy will do. Just distinguish yourself, follow my rules, and you're set. And hey, if she still isn't feeling you, its time to move on to the next one.